My preference for time alone has been so persistent I think of it as a pre-existing condition that has utterly shaped my life. I acknowledge that I am an extreme case, if only from this memory. I can’t believe that I can think back fifty years about anything, but I can and here’s what I see.
I am eight, maybe nine years old. I am awaiting the mail in my plum-colored bedroom, wondering if this, at last, would be the day. The day the first issue of my first magazine subscription would come. My subscription to Dog World.
I loved dogs and had — and have the remnants of – a bitchin’ china dog collection. I wore a string bolero in my school picture, with a silver collie ornament pulled rakishly up against my throat. I worked deliriously at a green desk I had gotten for Christmas on my three – ring manifesto : The Picture Book of Working Breeds.
The day the issue of Dog World arrived, my brother called out the news. I was expectant, ecstatic. I ran downstairs and then back upstairs to my room and shut the door. It was only then, when I was sure I was alone, that I would allow myself the thrill of being a mature magazine subscriber, and the double thrill that the magazine was Dog World !
I carefully slipped the issue out of its paper wrapper and was devastated by what I saw. Dog World had people in it! It had pictures of people and names of people and it wasn’t a world populated entirely by dogs.
The German Shepherd on the cover had a handler, a human handler ! The dog was beautiful in its black- and –white photograph, and I noted the distinctive sloping stance. I would remember to draw German Shepherds that way in The Picture Book of Working Breeds. But a person, a human, a handler, and right on the cover, too. My weird, little heart sunk, which should have been a clue to a lifetime of secret solitude seeking. I got less neurotic after that.
Loved it, of course. I think you should post the picture of you with your rakishly pulled string bolero, though.
OMG, Deeg. Just as you created a lump in my throat at the first few words of Designated Daughter, I have the same lump and craving to know more for Secretly Seeking Solitude. Once again you nailed what I’m supposed to ignore — my deep, deep need for time for myself. For what, who the eff cares. Just time ALONE. Cannot wait for the book. And your blog is GORGEOUS.
i would love to see a picture also. but truthfully, i was so easily able to see it all through your beautiful description. it felt like it was me. i love this and i have missed your written word. yay!!!… you’re back!!!!!
THANKS GUYS !!! Tell a friend…